yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
