Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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