when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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