My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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