you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
