just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
