Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
