Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
