Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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