Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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