I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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