I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorry my hands just texted you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
