Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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