another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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