You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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