The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
