Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
