She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
