hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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