I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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