i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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