He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
