you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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