i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
