Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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