I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
