Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
