Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
