Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
