New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
