did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
