i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
