I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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