a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
