well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i think my cat just said my name.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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