yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
