you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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