I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
