wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
