Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
