chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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