turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My feet surprised me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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