that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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