Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
