He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
