Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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