I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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