I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
