Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
