Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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