I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
