absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
