I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
