Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
