why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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