Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
