You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
