you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
