She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
