C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
