Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
